Missing

We've all misplaced things, forgotten them, and lost them.  It happens.  Sometimes it's laziness, carelessness, or just accidental.  None-the-less, it sucks to me missing something.  I'm missing happiness.

It seems to have gone away and is now eluding me.  I get it in little bursts every now and then, especially when I'm surrounded by any or all of my kids, see my grandson, or spend time with some regulars in my business.  My friends always bring happiness around for a little while, but that to fades.

Now I know nobody is happy all the times, I get that.  However, things are just not really good right now.  Stuff has happened that has made me question so many things in my life and, at least for now, there are no answers.  I like answers.  I like being busy and lazy.  I like the sense of having accomplished something and I'm ok spending an entire day in my pajamas watching the boob-tube by myself or with the kids. I like to laugh but am laughing sometimes when really all I want to do is cry.

I'm missing some people too.  People who used to be a big part of my life, but who aren't any more.  Sadly some have passed away, moved away, or the friendship had just run it's course.  That doesn't mean necessarily that it ended badly, it just, for whatever reason ended.  We grew apart, life happened.  That's all a part of it, I get that.  Right now, I'm just trying to figure out what to do next, where to go.  Some of these people, I know would have some really great advice, simply because they did way back when. 

It may sound crazy, but I'd risk knowing I was going to lose them all over again just to be able to go back and spend a little bit more time with them.  There isn't anything I'd do differently except spend a few more hours here and there.  If I knew then what I know now......that's the crazy part and I know we've all been there.