Robin Williams swears that 60 is the new 40! Not that I wish to hurry up my life, I just don't know who I am anymore. Am I my mom, my dad, on some days I'm both! I tell you, this mid life way of life is not for this gal! I had a friend very upset as she could not find her tweezers, I remarked I keep mine in my car, you know for the natural light, in reality it's because I need that visor as I can't see anywhere else! Which shows you with the stray hairs us women get, we resemble our dads when they used to come home from work with stubble! The only thing I want to be doing at 5:00 is ordering it up at happy hour somewhere, but, 5:00 has become the new 10:00, it is nap time for me! Napping is for old people you say? Napping is what they tell me keeps the weight off, so nap away folks!
Speaking of weight and mid life bodies, I for one refuse to use shampoo for volume because if by chance any gets on my body, my hair doesn't get the volume, my body does! Up a pound the next morning! Remember being told to wear clean underwear as a kid, because you "might get in an accident"? Well, along with singing in the shower, I would perform too, which meant dancing! Today, I would never do this as I might slip, and slipping leads to paramedics seeing you naked! Oy! If I were a paramedic and had to come to your house don't worry because I couldn't see you, I failed my vision test at the motor vehicle and not only did they want me to see an eye doctor, they wanted me to have an evaluation. You know who else gets evaluations don't you? Anyway, these days shaking my groove thing is me shaking a bottle of Pepto-Bismal! I swear, they just don't make Jerry's subs the way they used to, right?
I recently dropped my phone in water, I was so upset because I lost all of my contacts, not like my daughters or sister, but every single one of them had M.D. after their name and this is not because these folks lived in Maryland!Have I mentioned that I've shrunk an inch, I would be okay with this if my meno pot didn't grow an inch! What's up with the spread, the only spread I want is a new bed spread! Whoops did I just give my age away with that word? How did we go from bed spread to comforter anyway?
I tell you, the only way my floors get cleaned today is if by chance I drop something, because while I'm down there and not able to get up, I make it like a BOGO!
Lucky for me I have two teens that keep me a) keep me in check, and b), in the know, because after all how does one function these days not knowing what smh means? Whew, what will I do when they leave?
They say grow old gracefully, what does that even mean? A palm reader could switch careers on me by reading my face, graceful enough? HA! I refuse to age gracefully, I mean what other hobby would I have as much fun with if it weren't for Botox and the like? So while you're busy aging gracefully, I'm the one kicking and screaming! Remember I go to kickboxing!
On a final note today, I am so happy to report to you, and not to brag, but the earrings I wore in high school still fit! Go me!