You Age Gracefully, I'll Watch!
Robin Williams swears that 60 is the new 40! Not that I wish to hurry up my life, I just don't know who I am anymore. Am I my mom, my dad, on some days I'm both! I tell you, this mid life way of life is not for this gal! I had a friend very upset as she could not find her tweezers, I remarked I keep mine in my car, you know for the natural light, in reality it's because I need that visor as I can't see anywhere else! Which shows you with the stray hairs us women get, we resemble our dads when they used to come home from work with stubble! The only thing I want to be doing at 5:00 is ordering it up at happy hour somewhere, but, 5:00 has become the new 10:00, it is nap time for me! Napping is for old people you say? Napping is what they tell me keeps the weight off, so nap away folks!
Speaking of weight and mid life bodies, I for one refuse to use shampoo for volume because if by chance any gets on my body, my hair doesn't get the volume, my body does! Up a pound the next morning! Remember being told to wear clean underwear as a kid, because you "might get in an accident"? Well, along with singing in the shower, I would perform too, which meant dancing! Today, I would never do this as I might slip, and slipping leads to paramedics seeing you naked! Oy! If I were a paramedic and had to come to your house don't worry because I couldn't see you, I failed my vision test at the motor vehicle and not only did they want me to see an eye doctor, they wanted me to have an evaluation. You know who else gets evaluations don't you? Anyway, these days shaking my groove thing is me shaking a bottle of Pepto-Bismal! I swear, they just don't make Jerry's subs the way they used to, right?
I recently dropped my phone in water, I was so upset because I lost all of my contacts, not like my daughters or sister, but every single one of them had M.D. after their name and this is not because these folks lived in Maryland!Have I mentioned that I've shrunk an inch, I would be okay with this if my meno pot didn't grow an inch! What's up with the spread, the only spread I want is a new bed spread! Whoops did I just give my age away with that word? How did we go from bed spread to comforter anyway?
I tell you, the only way my floors get cleaned today is if by chance I drop something, because while I'm down there and not able to get up, I make it like a BOGO!
Lucky for me I have two teens that keep me a) keep me in check, and b), in the know, because after all how does one function these days not knowing what smh means? Whew, what will I do when they leave?
They say grow old gracefully, what does that even mean? A palm reader could switch careers on me by reading my face, graceful enough? HA! I refuse to age gracefully, I mean what other hobby would I have as much fun with if it weren't for Botox and the like? So while you're busy aging gracefully, I'm the one kicking and screaming! Remember I go to kickboxing!
On a final note today, I am so happy to report to you, and not to brag, but the earrings I wore in high school still fit! Go me!
Bruce
8:34 pm on Tuesday, March 12, 2013
very cute Beth!! especially since i will be 60 next time!!!! thanks for the laughs my friend!!!!
Beth
8:37 pm on Tuesday, March 12, 2013
Don't forget Bruce 60 is the new 40! Thank you for following me over to the Bowie Patch, much appreciated my friend! I love making people laugh! ;) After all, it's the best medicine going!
Janie Peskin
7:40 pm on Tuesday, March 12, 2013
OMG Beth ... This is hilarious!! I love it!!! Wait .. The contact info on the phone I just went thru with my son because he was helping me upgrade my phone! I kept saying,"Mike if I lose my contacts... I'm screwed cuz most r doctors' #'s"! And grow old gracefully.. NOT!!! Love my fillers and Botox!!! Love the women that say they love "natural" .. Hah! I think most parts of me are artificial and I'm proud of them! Good job Beth!!! Love the article! Didn't know u wrote for a paper!! A woman with many talents!!!
You are the Best and always put a smile on my face with your wit and huge heart!!! ❤ Janie from Philly and Breast Cancer Survivor
Beth
8:25 pm on Tuesday, March 12, 2013
First of all Janie, thank you for following me here on the Bowie Patch. Secondly, I love the Patch and am shown a lot of love here! Third of all, you know me, I say what others think! ;) And last but not least, when I make one laugh or smile, that is the biggest trophy I could win in life! Thanks for reading, check back often as for now, this is my new home!
Beth
randyho
8:58 pm on Tuesday, March 12, 2013
Thanks for the smiles, Beth. My methods involve a lot of kicking, screaming, sarcasm, a smidge of denial, a respect for Robin Williams' wisdom (nanoo nanoo--"Fly, be free!"), and exceedingly hard looks (when appropriate).
Beth
9:08 pm on Tuesday, March 12, 2013
Randyho, thank you for reading and commenting! I'm happy you got a smile! Love the denial, and if you're local, we need to meet up and go look for look! ;)
Robin Eckwerth
9:36 am on Wednesday, March 13, 2013
Even though we are THANKFUL for living, it is sucking to age gracefully....My goodness, you always make me laugh, which is giving me more wrinkles..I am in denial, but my body is in real time..aging.
Beth
12:33 pm on Wednesday, March 13, 2013
Robin, denial is good, this is where we buck the system! Notice the comment on Pepto-Bismol! As in all systems are not always a go! ha Wrinkles from laughing are a good thing, beats those frown lines! Thanks for reading and taking a minute to comment, much appreciated!
Chloe JonPaul
1:15 pm on Wednesday, March 13, 2013
Beth ~
I suggest that you read "Entering the Age of Elegance: A Rite of Passage & Practical Guide for the Modern Maturing Woman".
Beth
1:20 pm on Wednesday, March 13, 2013
I will, thanks
Beth
8:13 pm on Wednesday, March 13, 2013
Again, please understand, I am a very happy four year survivor of breast cancer! I love humor and living on the right and light side of life because why live any other way?
Monique Stinson
1:15 pm on Wednesday, March 13, 2013
Thanks, Beth, I sure needed the laugh! I had to BUST OUT LAUGHING about the tweezers, cuz they go EVERYWHERE I go!! One minute, nothing, next minute, a long white hair from HELL appears!! LOL...........Now the Pepto, hilarious!!!
Beth
1:22 pm on Wednesday, March 13, 2013
Monique, I would imagine, just as some don't leave home w/o their Amex, some don't leave home w/o their tweezers! ;)
Thank you for reading and taking a minute to comment, much appreciated!
Karan Farrell
8:50 pm on Wednesday, March 13, 2013
Beth, Yeap keep it on the Funny side of Life.. :D I for one wish to always have something to smile about. And you make me smile. Keeping folks happy giving them a laugh, is something that I wish to be remembered for.
I was thinking if 60 is the new 40 then I am in my New 30's right? And I age only if I let me ,,,, Act your age? What is that? How about you are as young as you feel,,, and I know some folks that must feel 2 or 3 years old... and Others that,,, well lets say,, as my Grandson would say dinosaur..... going from tantrums to Ms, Negative in 30 seconds,, is not what I would call living.... I have earned everyone of my Beautiful Highlights (what I call my gray hair) and I am Damn Proud of it... Yeap, I know the feeling of being stuck when ya bend to the floor.. But like you said might as well do something productive like clean while your there.. :) Me I get stuck when I'm bending in the garden,, that's why it gets bigger every year, I dig and plant while I'm down there :) Learning one of Life's nastiest lessons (Cancer), is Being a Survivor is not a sentence, is it a release to be happy and make the Most of all your Moments.. And you my friend make a Lot of my moments Happy. :) Keep making us Laugh cause that's a Great Legacy :)
Beth
9:00 pm on Wednesday, March 13, 2013
Karan! Wow! I simply can't put into words how reading your comment just made me feel. Warm and fuzzy is a great start. I love how you said that your garden is growing because it's hard to get back up! I'd love to see pictures one day. Keep making happy moments, this is what it's all about! Thank you for continuing to follow me and moving with me to the Bowie Patch! As always, stay well, be happy, let laughter help you heal! BTW, I love how you refer to your highlights! ;)it's a great way of looking at it!
Health Always!
Beth
Cheryl King
11:04 pm on Wednesday, March 13, 2013
Honestly Beth, you are my hero! You just continue on and always with a quick smile and a big laugh- we could all learn a thing or two from you my friend!! By the way I too travel everywhere with my tweezers and am constantly amazed at how fast a white hair can appear! Am so pleased to see you are in the paper- just wonderful!! Are you performing anywhere soon? Dying to see the show! Yes to lunch- I will call you next week. With much admiration xo
Beth
11:13 pm on Wednesday, March 13, 2013
Hi Cheryl, yes, I am blogging now for the Bowie Patch, and I love it! I think tweezers are the new nail file, or as I still say emery board! haha Hero is a big job for me to fill, but thank you for your kind words. Keep reading the Bowie Patch, I'll be right here! ;)
Tanya White
9:17 am on Sunday, March 17, 2013
Love this Beth... as always so much truth, but that's whats makes it so damn funny. How did we go from a bed spread to a comforter? I can fit my earring from high school too!! Go me! Go me! lol
Beth
9:21 am on Sunday, March 17, 2013
Tanya, go you! I'd like to think that earrings are not a one size fits ALL! :) I remember I had a "bedspread" made for my bed and the woman called it a coverlet!?! Thank you for reading and following me over to the Bowie Patch!
deb
9:42 pm on Thursday, March 21, 2013
What an AWESOME blog post - just loved the whole read!!! You are a talent the world needs to know!!!
Beth
9:53 pm on Thursday, March 21, 2013
Hello WORLD! Let me introduce myself! :) Thank you for your kind words, really, much appreciated!
I've often thought about translating my blog to Spanish but it might lose something in translation. Food for thought though, I like thought better than hips! haha
Beth
Beth